Why Does it Matter to Me?

I never really thought in depth about people that did not seem to fit into society’s gender boxes. Sure there were some times that I saw someone that I couldn’t label as a male or female and would whisper to my friends, “was that a guy or a girl?” Gender variance is a term used to describe people who can easily flow between society’s ideas of male and female. It doesn’t really matter if you’re male or female, as long as you’re happy. Children that are gender variant are usually very confused, and feel pressured to figure out where they stand. The best thing that we can do as a society is to not force these gender variant children into any sort of molds; this can have a negative effect on the children throughout their lives.

                Children that like to wear clothes that do not fit the scheme for their gender do not seem as different as children that are obsessed with clothes fitting their gender. Padawer points this out when she states, “was his obsession with particular clothes really any different than that of legions of young girls who insist on dresses even when they’re impractical?”(5). Although I cannot really remember how I preferred to dress as a child, I can recall that when my older cousin was about six, she refused to wear anything but dresses. It did tend to be rather inconvenient, but she insisted. Even at the age of four, I could clearly see the ideals of how girls should dress.

I personally feel as though children should be allowed to wear whatever they want, or play as whoever they feel like. I’ve always felt this way. I tend to be a rather laid back person, so as long as it didn’t directly affect or inconvenience me, I didn’t care. Padawer states in her article, “Relatively little research on gender-nonconforming children has been conducted, making it impossible to know how many children step outside gender bounds — or even where those bounds begin” (3).  I have a touch of personal experience with children feeling out gender roles. A few years back, my mother had a home daycare. A little boy, who was two, came daily to the daycare while his parents went to work. Now, he had a tendency to wear the dresses for pretending, and say that he was a girl. He also, on multiple occasions, would put on the Spiderman costume, and then finish it off by putting on a skirt, and calling himself “Princess Spiderman.” This very much bothered his father, and if it was his pickup day, we would have to make sure that his son was out of the dress before the pickup time rolled around. If he was still wearing a dress when his father came to get him, his father would make a face, and turn his back to his son. His father also told us that he did not want him wearing dresses. This would make the child upset, and he would get out of the dress as quickly as possible. This situation never really struck me as odd. I don’t really know how this little boy acts now, as my mother’s daycare has been closed down, and no contact was kept.

                I do not see the point in directing children away from how they want to play. This could harm the children mentally or emotionally, and make them angry at you. If the treatment continues as they get older it could cause permanent damage “More parents,” Edgardo Menvielle declares, “decide that making their child conform to a gender will damage his self-esteem, and I’d agree” (qtd in Padawer 4). Children tend to be very fragile when it comes to their developing minds, and challenging how they want to play can be seriously detrimental to their mental health. Padawer discusses a case of a woman with a gender atypical son. When he was little, she brought him to a doctor, who told her to encourage- or even force- her son to do “boy” things, and not play with girls. Her son became angry, and she told herself she would not let another child sit through this sort of abuse. (4)

                In Tempel’s article, she explains her personal experience with a gender variant child as a teacher, and how she helped her students to realize that it is okay to not fit into the stereotypical gender box, like they have been taught in their young lives. This changed the way that many of them thought. One of the boys even asked for a doll for Christmas, even though it was a “girl” toy.

                However, not all gender variant children are boys. It just seems that way because it is a much bigger deal for a boy to act like a girl than a girl to act like a boy. When I was little, I used to aspire to be a fire fighter. My uncle, who is a fire fighter, thought this was a great idea. The rest of my family thought it was cute. I would play with trucks, catch frogs and worms, and do things that society would consider a boy activity. That is not something that is atypical. Girls can do activities like these and more and are not seen as having something wrong with them. One example of how girls can be accommodated appears in (ARTICLE). Like Allie, many have to face the questions of their peers when they realize that their classmate is different. When Tempel addressed Allie about her gender, she replied that she wanted to be talked about as a girl. Tempel admits, “It became evident that I would have to address gender directly in order to make the classroom environment more comfortable for Allie and to squash the gender stereotypes that my first graders had absorbed in their short lives” (1).

                I don’t think we should judge anyone – especially children. Children have enough problems to deal with as they grow up. Worrying about their gender should not be one of them.