Be Who You Want to Be

       All I can remember growing up was my little brother playing with dolls and painting his nails, thinking it was the best! I use to be so mean and pick on him for it, telling him he was gay and needed to be more manly. I always thought that boys and men were suppose to play with trucks, throw the football around, and get dirty. An then the girls would paint there nails and play with the barbie and bratz dolls. (Padawer 1) This really puzzled me. How could he not like being a boy? Doing boy things? He is suppose to be my brother, not a boy who plays with dolls! I just wanted a brother to play football with in the backyard an I always was shut down. I Should of understood where he was coming from and his point of view. Later down the road, he came out to my family that he was gay. This was weird at first because I did not know how to think about it. Looking back on it I was the older brother who seen everything that a boy should be first. I was expecting another brother to act the same as me, an I should have been there for him when he wasn't all there.

       My mom and step-dad both growing up in a military family an being in the military was huge in my house hold. They grew up in the “don't ask, don't tell” time period. So they were not to fond of the whole gay thing. This is where I got my perspective on the topic. But with my brother being feminine growing up and not the typical boy, my parents had to adapt to the idea. This was easy for my mom but not for my step dad being in the military for many years. We had to go through counseling and a lot of family talks. We all became aware and comfortable with the idea of my brother being gay. He didn't come out until he was fifteen because he was scared of telling everyone. Which should of not happened, he should have been comfortable talking about it with the family. This is what alienated his perspective on being openly gay.

         Reading the article “What’s So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?” has such a relation to me. When I was little I use to see my parents go through the same things the parents in this article had too. They did not know if they wanted to hide the way my brother acted or let him be him. My dad was like all for him being himself, on the other hand my mom would not let him play with dolls and or paint his nails. Yet my brother was just like the boy in the article when he was younger, he was just like the author exemplifies in his article “Some days at home he wears dresses, paints his fingernails and plays with dolls; other days, he roughhouses, rams his toys together or pretends to be Spider-Man.” (Padawer 1) This shows that most children do not know the difference and want to fit in where they are at the present time. They do not care about what other people think until they grow up and bulling and peer pressure become a factor in life, which causes you to decided to go with the stereotype or against it. I agree one hundred and ten percent with the phrase “Most boys still very much feel the need to repress whole parts of themselves to avoid peer harassment.” If a boy in school truly shows himself he is a liable target, he will be picked on and tortured because of his ways. This is completely wrong for doing so and is horrible,but I have seen it happen. Claimed by Padawer in her article “ No one knows why most children ease into their assigned gender roles so effortlessly and others do not.”(5) Personal experience is my brother being gay and out front an open about it either people except him or hate him because of his life choice, which is the dumbest thing ever. He would be picked on in school and come home crying, which was not right just because he was happy with who he was and other people did not like it and or believe in it. I remember in middle school and high school people would pick on people if they showed the slightest hint of being gay. Even if they weren't gay. I'm not going to lie I was one of them myself, until I found out about my brother. Then I looked back at myself an how I acted and was disgusted. I should have never done that, but it was the way I saw things growing up. But I wish people looked upon being gay as a respectable thing that they can show there true colors and be like “hey this is me, like it or not.” Instead, no they get tortured and bullied living there lives hidden an not out front an open.

      It interests me that it is so much different for a guy in society than a girl though. A girl who acts like a boy, dresses like a boy or talks like a boy, will be presumed as a lesbian or just a tomboy in general. Which is not frowned upon as much in some cases as a boy doing girl acts. A girl doing boy things is not bad, its just looked upon as normal because the male role was the higher standard back in the day ,so girl have their own mind thought on it. On the other hand, a boy who dresses, acts or even talks like a girl gets picked on bullied and judged constantly. I believe this is because its not the "normal" males are suppose to be tough strong willed and not feminine. Men who do not act manly, are seen as weak because there not the average male and its a dumb outlook because they can do just as much as us even more sometimes. They can see the outlook from both spectrum's a mans point of view and a woman's depending on how feminine they are.

    In my opinion, I believe everyone should be who they want to be, and act how they want to act. No one at all should put down for their own beliefs it is cruel. I have seen through out my life in different situations. Transgenders, transvestites, and gays should all be able to decided their life style to a point. Just because a boy would like wear a dress or a girl dress like a man and do construction should not change them for them. They probably are the nicest people in person and should be treated equal.