What is Normal?

I’ve never thought a lot about the topic of gender. As society views it, I’ve always thought girls are one way and guys are another. In kindergarten, the girls would always play in the pretend kitchen or with the dolls and the guys would play with the trucks. That was the norm and it was how things always were. I have never been interested in anything outside the norm for my gender. I’ve always been interested in what girls are supposed to like, so I have not felt uncomfortable growing up. As I grew up I was given “girly” toys and that was what I would be interested in. I’ve never thought about what it would be like to not want to follow those norms and how that must feel. If you do not want to act how society assumes you should, you are automatically different. After studying the topics of gender, I’ve realized how much pressure society puts on you if you do not feel comfortable following your gender norm.

The article, “What’s So Bad about a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?” really made me think more in depth about the topic of gender. The approach of Dr. Kenneth Zucker is much harsher than that by transgender advocates and sympathetic clinicians. Dr. Zucker recommends parents to discourage any of their child's abnormal behavior. If parents followed his opinion they would have to take away any girly toys from their son and force him to play with trucks and masculine toys. I remember growing up I had two toys I could drive: my Barbie jeep and my truck. The truck was my favorite, but I would only drive it in front of my parents. If I was with friends I would drive the Barbie Jeep. I never realized what I was doing at a young age. I knew it wasn’t “normal” for me to like the truck better so I would only drive it in front of parents because I knew they wouldn’t judge me. If parents followed the second method, they wouldn't try to change who their child was, but they would teach him or her ways to deal with the reactions of other people. This method allows a child to be who they are, while teaching them how to manage people's reactions and opinions (Padawer 3). Even though people naturally want to protect the people they care about from difficult situations, you should never hold someone back from being who the truly are. Clearly, my parents made me feel comfortable being who I wanted to be, while society didn’t. It must be so hard for parents to decide how to approach the situation with their own child. Since trained professionals do not have a definite recommendation as to support your child's abnormal behavior or to discourage it, the decision as to how to react to your child's non-conforming traits is even more difficult. (Padawer 4)

There is a specific role you are expected to have in society based on whether you are a male or a female. Once a person is born, he or she is supposed to play with certain toys, act and dress a certain way depending on their gender. A lot of people are not accepting of obvious differences that people have. This makes it extremely difficult for parents, as the author believes, "tension between yielding to conformity or encouraging self-expression is felt by parents of any child who differs from the norm." (Padawer 7) The reason this tension exists is simple, parents want to protect their children. The only question that remains is: are parents doing the right thing? You can protect someone from society, but that also prevents children from being themselves. The author claims, "As much as these parents want to nurture and defend what makes their children unique and happy, they also fear it will expose their sons to rejection.” (Padawer 5) Often, parents that are open to gender non-conformity fear the effects it will have on their child's life. Society does not readily accept people that are considered "abnormal" and parents are hesitant to knowingly expose their children to that. My mother has always supported my brother and me, no matter what we were interested in. My brother is a college basketball player and I remember an instance that occurred last year. His team wore a lot of pink for a breast cancer awareness game. My grandmother had breast cancer and my brother really wanted to show his support and he bought pink basketball sneakers. The breast cancer game was over, but my brother wore his pink sneakers during another game. My mom was in the stands and overheard another parent making fun of his “girly” sneakers. My mom stood up for him and expressed it was for breast cancer and she immediately apologized. It amazed me that even though he was playing a masculine sport, he would be made fun of for what he was wearing. It also amazed me that the fact that it was for cancer made it justified. If he simply liked those pink shoes it would be socially unacceptable. My brother has always been masculine, but this instance really made me realize how harsh society is. If people avoid encouraging people to accept differences amongst each other, they will never be accepted. The best thing to do is to encourage difference in order for it to become the new "norm".

Society has cut out certain traits that pertain to gender. There have always been gender norms to follow and if one doesn’t, you are considered abnormal. I have never put myself in the situation of the people that feel that way. It must be unbearable to live in a society that doesn’t accept you for who you are. After reading more about the topic, I am much more sympathetic towards those who feel like they don’t belong.